Life in the middle....: July 2010

Please feel free not to read this big long thing!

I very much wanted a natural un-medicated birth. I wanted to do this on my own to prove to myself that I could do it. I wanted the moment of her birth to be the rush that I saw other women have. I wanted to pull her to my chest after the hard work of labor and be the first one to hold her and comfort her. I did not get to do any of that. I will give it up in time not too much time but it will take some time.
All that being said.....I am so grateful that I live in a time where through medical advances they can ensure the best outcome for both me and my little one. I am so grateful for my BEAUTIFUL and wonderful daughter. I can not at this point put to words how much I love her how amazing and mind blowing she is.

On Monday the 5th I was having some slightly "twingy" contractions for most of the night. They just made me restless and woke me up every once and a while. I was encouraged that at last I was starting to have real contractions! On Tuesday the 6th we had an early midwife appointment to do the non-stress test for baby girl to make sure she was ok to continue cooking since I was 40 weeks and 1 day. We got to the office at 8:30am and they hooked me up to the machine. I was having slight contractions still and baby girl did well jumping around for the first few minutes and then she promptly went to sleep! Since she did not move three times within the 45 min I was on the machine they had to send me over to triage. If she did not perform well there they were going to admit me :-( We walked over to the hospital and they set me up in the triage room on the monitors. She did great moved a bunch and had good heart acceleration! I was having slightly painful contractions about 7 min apart during the test. It was already hurting in my back so I was thinking that sadly I was going to be having a lot of back labor.
After we left the hospital we went ahead with our previously made plans and headed to the Great Outdoors a sub shop that we really like not that far from the hospital. Then we went to the art museum and walked around for a couple of hours. We went home to wait!
Buy around 5pm the contractions were starting to get more serious. I was having trouble focusing on whatever it was that we were watching. I started timing them at 10:30 pm and they were anywhere from 2 min apart to 9 min apart. At around 2:30 am we called the midwife and she suggested that I take a bath and see how things went after that, she said I still sounded to happy! The bath was nice my back was hurting but it did help me relax. Things did not change much through the night I would walk and Trevor would rub my back and then I would rest sitting on the exercise ball. At about 5 am Trevor and I were both exhausted and I called and asked my mom to come over for a little bit so Trevor could get some sleep. My contractions seemed to be slowing down some so I tried to rest and was able to get a little sleep.
At 8 am I moved a little bit and felt a gush of fluid. I woke Trevor up and he called the midwife. They said to walk as much as I could and call them within four hours or when the contractions were about 5 min apart. So that is what I did...walked and the pain started to get a little bit more intense. At around noon we decided to go ahead in to the hospital because the contractions were about 5 min apart and I felt like I needed a change of some sort. I also really wanted to know what kind of progress I had made.
We got to the hospital at around 1 pm. When the midwife came and checked me I was.... get ready for it..........2 cm dilated 90% effaced. I cussed. I was so mad. All that work.....and a 2!!!!!
The midwife asked me to walk around for an hour and then she would check me again. If I had made no progress then she was going to have to put in an internal monitor that would show the strength of my contractions. I agreed and we walked the halls for an hour however it made no difference I was no further along. They put in the internal monitor and the midwife told me I would need to be at 4 cm by 4 pm or they would need to start pitocin due to the fact that my water had broken and I only had until 2 am to deliver the baby.
Well wonder of all wonders I was only at 3 cm by 4 pm so they started the pitocin. I was really worried about handling the pain with the pitocin but they all assured me that I could do it as I had been doing very well so far. The back labor was EXTREMELY painful. Poor Trevor his hand was killing him from rubbing my back. The only way that I could sit without the pain becoming extreme was almost completely strait up. I think I would have benefited from walking or standing or something but I was hooked up to all kinds of monitors!
By almost 9 pm I had only made it to 6 cm and two hours later finally made it to 7 cm 90% effaced +1. At that point for some reason the anterior lip of my cervix was a little bit swollen. The midwife wanted me to lie on my back or my side. That was shear torture! It hurt not only in my back but also in my sciatic nerve. At that point I knew I could not keep doing this. I started talking with the midwife about an epidural. I didn't want to get one but I knew I could not stand another X many long hours before I finally made it to 10 cm. Also the pain from lying on my back or on my side was unbelievable. I was so exhausted and just wanted to take a little nap and then keep going. After some tears an a lot of discussion I decided to get the epidural. I must admit to still wondering if that was the right thing and still feeling bad about deciding to get the epidural.
It took about 1/2 an hour for them to get the anesthesiologist in there and took him about 10 min to put in the epidural. It was not my favorite thing ever : - ( My legs were all tingly and heavey but I could not feel the back labor any more! At last I was able to relax and I tried to take a little nap hoping to progress quickly and wake up in time for the epidural to wear off and to start pushing.
Not to long after I was trying to nap they started to worry about baby girl. Her heart rate was dropping not just during contractions. They stopped the pitocin and put me on oxygen for a little while and tried to flip me from side to side. This did not get her to improve much and the midwife checked me and I was only barely at 8 cm. They evaluated the contractions I had been having and how the baby was doing and suggested that we should have her delivered via c-section. The contractions were not strong enough or close enough together and we were getting very close to 18 hours from the time that my water broke. The midwife suggested rather than waiting until it was more of an emergency situation that we have her delivered by c-section then.

We sadly agreed and they started to prep me for surgery. I cried and could not believe that somehow we had gotten to this point. The midwife asked if I had any questions.....I only had one...why? She did not have an exact answer. Know one really knows I guess! Why did my water break? Why were my contractions not strong enough or close enough together? Why did walking not make them better? I don't know the answer to any of those questions but I have to accept that this is the way God intended things to go and that I can learn from this experience and hopefully help others because of this someday.
They got me all ready for the surgery and then took me back to the operating room. When Trevor walked in they had apparently already done the incision because his eyes were huge and he said "Ok I have seen all the blood I need to see!" He then told me I was going to have to stop having surgeries! I was starting to get a little bit cold but I was really excited about finally after everything getting to see my little girl! I could not believe it was finally happening! They told me when they were about to pull her out and with a big push on what felt like my chest she was born at 2:31am July the 8th! I herd just a little wahh of a cry.....it was surreal! That was my baby crying!?! They brought her around the sheet for just a second all covered in muck and gray. She was beautiful! It was hard to connect that little thing to the being that I had carried around for the past 40 weeks and 3 days. They had Trevor go around the sheet and he was taking pictures of them cleaning her up and getting her all ready. She was just giving little wahh's now and then. When she was all ready Trevor brought her around the sheet and I cried little sobby tears. Wow....that was my baby. It was so hard not getting to hold her. I had Trevor hold her up to my face so I could kiss her and put her face on mine. At that point I was shivering really bad because of the cold. I was trying to stop but it was very difficult!
At last they were done and they moved me to the gurney and handed her to me. To be honest I don't really completely remember what I felt at that moment. I know that I was so happy to finally have her in my arms. I remember being afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold her because I was shaking so much. I remember how surreal it felt to finally be holding her. I think I kissed her as they wheeled me back to the L&D room.
I asked when I could start trying to breast-feed. They said right now if you want to! Much to my amazement and absolute delight she latched right on! I was so happy and could not believe it!

Little Sophie Munro:
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me! I have waited my whole life for you! I have wanted you for so long and at last you are here. You were such hard work to bring into the world. Not everything went as planned!! But you should know I would do all that and more over again just to get you! I would do anything for you! I love you more than you will ever know and will always appreciate that the best things come from hard work!
You are deeply and truly loved.
Your mama!

Saturday we attempted to run some errands with baby girl! Things went well due to the fact that she loves the car and so far has fallen asleep every time we put her in her car seat and drive around...yah!
So the first store she went into was....duh da! Wal-Mart! Is that sad or is that just the way it should be? She did great slept the whole time in her car seat just like I hoped she would. Of course it was Sat and Wal-Mart so it was crazy and we had a random list of things we needed so we had to transverse most of the expanse that is Wal-Mart. I still write Wal-Mart with a dash even though their new signs are all dash free like this...what the heck!
We ran by one other place that I went in to while Trevor and Sophie waited outside and that was as ambitious as we felt.

Sunday we actually did something spontaneous!!! Poor Sophie has been having a hard time going to sleep the past few day's and yesterday she hardly slept at all. If she did go to sleep she woke up a few min later and was wide awake. So Trevor suggested later in the evening that we put her in the car seat and go get ice cream. I doubled that suggestion with lets just get dinner too! So we were off! I finished nursing Sophie (something I do a LOT) put her in her seat threw some shoes on and we jumped in the car....sorta....we don't really jump in the car anymore (yeah!). She fell asleep not long after. We ate at Sonic and.......because I wanted a blizzard then went to Dairy Queen. Not helping myself to lose any more weight but oh well. We did something spontaneous!
We are slowly emerging from our little home cocoon!

Here is some more cuteness!!